Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
