porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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