I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
