I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
