My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
