mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
