put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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