Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
