i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
