It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
