You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
