laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
