now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
not ubering you a puppy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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