just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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