never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
