her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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