im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
