3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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