when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
