i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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