I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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