I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
