I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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