So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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