I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
