Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
