is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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