You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
