sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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