I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
