Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she told me i tasted like america
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
