I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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