I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
