I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
