i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
