Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
