i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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