Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
