apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
