Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
