I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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