dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
did you just send me my own nude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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