Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
