She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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