she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
