I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my poor anus
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
