you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
