Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
