How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
