The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
